📧To: All Staff

Cc: Jacinda@EPA.gov, coverups@ourlittlesecret.com

Sub: Train Down! ZHUZHNOBYL Alert.

“Shady Business. Mutations. Train Derailment. Toxic Explosions. Environmental Tragedy.”

📰📻Just some of the buzz words about ZHUZH Corp from the press this week.

As you know, in August to celebrate our 2 year Anniversary we bankrolled the launch of the Zhuzhtrak Express High Speed Railway across the USA. We then started to notice some issues with the project. Being the successful corporation that we are, we had to ignore them. 🚊

One of our trains carrying illegally toxic amounts of Diet Zhuzh has now derailed in New York City. Causing a sickening amount of energy and an environmental disaster unlike society has ever seen. Head Office is not happy people found out about this. ☣️☢️

As there is “nothing we could have done to prevent this,” it’s time to continue our good business ethics; by covering up and diverting blame whilst ignoring complaints from the mutated public. 📆🏣 Please meet Oct 28 @ Parkside Lounge in the LES to go over our plan to handle this PR NIGHTMARE. 😱

Scientist are unsure of the effects caused by the explosion but know mutations are expected to reach peak form by Oct 28. Fortunately being Halloween season, there will be plenty of freaks around to distract from this very, very serious situation. 🎃💀

📝MEETING AGENDA

📎Music Seminars By:

BABES The DJ

DJ Hermano

Juicy

Who Girl

🖇️Best Uniform Walk Off. Zhuzh merch, limited edition art and bar tab to be won!

📎Employee of the Month!

🖇️Funny Business Manager:

Anya Volz

📎PPT Visuals:

Seth

🖇️LickedIn Headshots:

Tiny Tiger

📎Lighting Dept:

Prism

🖇️T.E.D. (Tattoo Equipment Department)

Ayla

🚨Divert the press. Ignore protestors. Pay off the EPA. Avoid getting attacked by a mutant. We will need all ZHUZH on hands for this monstrous attrocity. Again, “we didn’t see this coming.”

🥤Oh and can someone figure out where that shipment of Diet Zhuzh ended up from the train? We do have a energy drink to sell you know.

DIET ZHUZH is a greedy, capitalist corporation that also believes in TAKING ******* CARE OF EACH OTHER. Or at least not yucking the stock price!📉

Henceforth, absolutely NO RACISM, HOMOPHOBIA, TRANSPHOBIA, MISOGYNY, ABLEISM or general DOUCHEBAGGERY will be tolerated 🚫 We CANNOT afford to have our Twitter shutdown again… We lost too much profit last time 🏳️‍🌈👩🏽‍❤️‍👩🏿🏳️

📧Thankyou for your WERK,

Zhuzh Corp Upper Management.