📻“All New ZHUZH ZERO is expected to hit the shelves Febuary 16. ZHUZH Corp is very excited for this new product, regardless of the impending recession & depression. 0% Zhuzh. 0% Taste. 0% Budget. ZHUZH ZERO”

📧To: All Staff

Cc: zerorollout@zhuzh.com; Drzhuzhopolips@research.com; Therapy@humanresources.com

Re: ZHUZH ZERO IS HERE!

Attention Staff,

As you have noticed from the non-complimentary gift baskets on your desks, ZHUZH ZERO has finally arrived! Unfortunately, our Research team has noticed a current trend of SEASONAL DEPRESSION & FINANCIAL RECESSION… and no one feels this more then Corporate America! 📉😢

We are hoping that the upcoming release of Zhuzh Zero should drum up sales and lift spirits! Until then, we have had to temporary lease our office equipment and vending machines to make ends meet. 💸

Regardless of the impending mental and technological DOOM, the ZHUZH ZERO rollout will continue Friday FEBRUARY 16th @ Parkside Lounge! All Staff Must Attend - No Mental Health Days! 📆 🧠

Zhuzh Zero BUZZ WORDS

✅Punk. B&W. Recession. 1984 Meets 2024. 0%. Metallic. Depression. Underground.

🚫NO PINK NO GREEN

📝MEETING AGENDA

📎0% Effort Music Seminars By:

Residents; BABES The DJ & Who Girl

Guests; Cyler Says & Rose (D.C.)

🖇️Worst Uniform Walk Off. Bonus Points for ZHUZH ZERO themed Lewks.

🖇️Funny but Sad Business Manager:

Anya Volz

📎Employee of the Month!

🖇️B&W (Can't Afford Color) LickedIn Headshots:

Tiny Tiger

📎Moody Lighting Dept:

Prism

🖇️T.E.D. (Tattoo Equipment Department)

Ayla Argentina

📎Cheaper than usual entry tickets at $5 off.

We will see everyone February 16th 10pm @ Parkside Lounge for our new product Launch of Zhuzh Zero!

📆🥤

Your Boss A$$ Bitc#,

Upper Management @ ZHUZH Corp

DIET ZHUZH is a greedy, capitalist corporation that also believes in TAKING ******* CARE OF EACH OTHER. Or at least not yucking the stock price!📉

Henceforth, absolutely NO RACISM, HOMOPHOBIA, TRANSPHOBIA, MISOGYNY, ABLEISM or general DOUCHEBAGGERY will be tolerated 🚫 We CANNOT afford to have our Twitter shutdown again… We lost too much profit last time 🏳️‍🌈👩🏽‍❤️‍👩🏿🏳️‍⚧️